Friday the 13th no Friday the 15th

People who look at me don't think about my feelings. They do their best on some person to discriminate her or make her feel bad about herself.

But here is the real truth about my life and the way I see my life through my eyes. I see HELL mentally and physically but I can tell you one thing. People who think I don't see HELL are stupid. They don't know me or what I go through day to day at home or work. They don't see me at my happy stage they don't see me when I am pissed off at someone or when I am depressed and feel like killing myself.

Bullies those are the people I am referring to. Bullies!

Hell is a place where evil and bad people go when they die. So why is it that when I go through a depression stage I feel like my world has come to an end and I have died and have gone straight down to HELL.

When I am depressed I have no where to go except run until I can not breath anymore until I have taken my final breath and died.

My life is a living HELL. In my life I fight a battle everyday or almost everyday.

The only two people that I have thought of thanking today would be my friend Ray and best friend Alycia.

When my life ends finally I hope I am in my 80s or 90s and not my 20s. Because my family and friends would not know what to do if that ever happened to me.

Tonight was one of the worst nights of my life. I felt as if something was trying to take over my mind and trying to tell me to kill myself. I pleaded and pleaded trying to do as much as possible to get it away from me. I wanted it to leave me alone. It didn't and it is here still with me telling me to do it and get it over with. As I am mentally telling it to leave me alone. It wont.

I want my life back I want to be stronger like before. It is my life now leave me alone. I will not let you take control of me I will defeat you in the end you are in my mind but I know mentally what I can do to finally rid myself of you. My destiny is going to come true and you will not be there to destroy it.

As my best friend Alycia helps me destroy this 10 year old boy Billy. She writes to me: cleans me of the ill desire, purge me of my demon fire, you can not have this soul of mine, I will fight and never die, I will not take my life, your desire ends tonight, I'm ready for the final fight You hit me with hate, I slap you with love, I'm more than strong enough, Don't think you can win, I'll beat you time and again, Love will transcend the hatred with in, I can feel you're about to bend, Give into love, give into light, It's time to end this fight, Be free and at peace, And let it be ever lasting.

Billy the little boy was taking over me because he was not loved by his father like I am and after about 5 years after his father in the early 1900s killed his mother he was alone at home and went to the pond down the street from his house and killed himself that night while his father was at work. His relatives never visited because of Billy's father so after Billy's father killed his mother by beating her to death he was left alone for 5 years with no help and after his 10th birthday passed one night he was alone in his house when he had the idea of killing himself before his father got home from work. And for years Billy would fly through the sky looking for his first victim who was being loved by family and friends and that is what happened to me tonight of all nghts Friday the 15th of May.

The weight that was Billy had finally lifted just enough where he is still here in my mind. I plan on helping him get to a better place in life where he is finally with his mother and family and his father has gone straight to HELL.

The nightmare is over I am no longer being controlled as much as I was before by Billy. I have told Billy that if I was alive in the Early 1900s I would have loved him like he was my own son I would have put myself at risk for him and would let him and his mother go free and deal with the beating his father would have given me.

I love Billy and feel his pain!

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